I have never liked New Year Resolutions. Just like Valentine's Day, I think they are kind of a silly list of void promises that you are going to try your darnedest to keep up with. I prefer instead to seek the Lord for what He has in store for me that year. This comes in the form of one word (I know, sounds crazy but bare with me.) and that word brings along with it a verse.
This year, my word is faith.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for
and certain of what we do not see."
*Hebrews 11:1*
This word has shown itself a thousand times since the turn of the new year (I think I wrote about this verse some time during the Daniel Fast but I am going in a different direction than what I wrote about in that post.). During the Daniel Fast is when I received this word and verse for this year. Right off the bat, I thought of the possibility of us moving to Grenada for Matthew to begin vet school. We hope for him to get into vet school wherever that might be!! We are certain that God will provide the right time and place for that to happen.
For me personally, I hope to have my own dance company one day. I do not want to own a studio. That's never been a dream or desire of mine. To have a professional dance company though? Now that would be a dream. This has been a dream that my best friend Shannon and I have talked about for years and years. I believe that it will one day come to be. :)
Thinking about my dreams and desires as well as those of Matthew, I have found myself becoming a little discouraged. Don't get me wrong, moving to Grenada would be a life changing experience and one of adventure!! It would be absolutely incredible!! Over the past several months of us praying and seeking the Lord on where to go, I have found myself pushing Matt more and more to seek out his dream. When we first met, he was not certain of what he wanted to do when he "grew up." He was pre-med in college at Liberty and UNCW but once graduating, he didn't know what field he wanted to go into.
I, on the other hand, have known since I was 13 what I wanted to be when I "grew up." (I put this in quotes because I told my parents at the age of 4 that I was all growed up. I'm fairly certain they are still waiting on that to happen. ;-p) I have always wanted to dance. There has never been anything else that made sense or even caught my attention like dancing has. When I was about 11 or 12, I was prophesied over. They told me that they saw me dancing and through my dancing, heaven was being pulled down. Just the other night, I had a good friend tell me that as she watched me dance, she could see how my heart danced for the King. She could see the joy all over me and the passion to express my love to Jesus.
I do not write these things to boast about myself and my accomplishments but to express why I dance and have this desire. I boast about His unfailing goodness over me!! I boast about His love and devotion in my life!! Without it, I would be nothing and my dancing would be void and pointless. I do not dance to bring attention to myself (trust me, I HATE being the center of attention....it bothers me a lot actually.....). I dance to bring hearts to Him. I have a tattoo on my foot that has the verse reference from Isaiah 52:7 which says:
"How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who says to Zion,
"Your God reigns!"
My God is the Good News. My God is peace. My God brings good tidings. My God is salvation. My God Reigns!!! That's what I want my dancing to proclaim. Throughout my dancing life, I have fought an uphill battle of being told I'm "not good enough." Not good enough for this part or that part. Not good enough for this level or that level. Not good enough to teach here or there. Not good enough to perform. The list goes on and on. I have learned in the dance world that if you don't "prove" yourself, you will never get anywhere. I refuse to accept this mentality and words of discouragement.
Now, here I stand. Believing in standing beside and supporting my husband. His dream is to be a veterinarian. How in Sam hill can a dancer and vet be together along the same path!?!? I have urged Matt to go for this opportunity of becoming a vet. I have wanted him to reach his goals and dreams. There is nothing more that I would want to see than to see him happy with accomplishing this!!
As the application process has started and the GRE has been scheduled however, my heart has begun to get twisted with panic. I think of living in a totally different country. How are my dreams and passions of dancing suppose to happen there?!?! God, now would be a great time to give me some real clear understanding of what is going on!! Since graduating college, I have floundered looking for where God wants me to be. I was accepted into a professional dance company (which I am reminded is a HUGE accomplishment in general....) but declined the offer for several reasons. I have taught and danced around the Wilmington area since being back here. Staring a move to the Caribbean square in the eyes makes me extremely nervous because I can't see what is on the other side of this. I can research all day long of the island of Grenada but my fear of laying down my dancing forever...................takes my breath away. The thought makes me panic honestly.
Then I am reminded of Jeremiah 1:16.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew (chose) you,
before you were born I set you apart..."
There's no reason why I should be laying down my dancing!!! I can dance anywhere!!! He didn't create me to have a dead life. He created me to have a full life. God knew me and saw me before I was even created. Before my parents even knew I existed, Jesus was there. He breathed life into me and said, "Dance for me Joanna." He wouldn't create something to let it go to waste. The dust in my life is settling and is reminding me more and more to rely on the Lord for every step.
We walk by faith and not by sight.
My faith assures me of my hope in the Lord to keep me dancing and assures me of the future I cannot see. If we go to Grenada, then I will dancing on the beach!! God will never leave me nor forsake me. He created me to dance so dance I shall!!
For me personally, I hope to have my own dance company one day. I do not want to own a studio. That's never been a dream or desire of mine. To have a professional dance company though? Now that would be a dream. This has been a dream that my best friend Shannon and I have talked about for years and years. I believe that it will one day come to be. :)
Thinking about my dreams and desires as well as those of Matthew, I have found myself becoming a little discouraged. Don't get me wrong, moving to Grenada would be a life changing experience and one of adventure!! It would be absolutely incredible!! Over the past several months of us praying and seeking the Lord on where to go, I have found myself pushing Matt more and more to seek out his dream. When we first met, he was not certain of what he wanted to do when he "grew up." He was pre-med in college at Liberty and UNCW but once graduating, he didn't know what field he wanted to go into.
I, on the other hand, have known since I was 13 what I wanted to be when I "grew up." (I put this in quotes because I told my parents at the age of 4 that I was all growed up. I'm fairly certain they are still waiting on that to happen. ;-p) I have always wanted to dance. There has never been anything else that made sense or even caught my attention like dancing has. When I was about 11 or 12, I was prophesied over. They told me that they saw me dancing and through my dancing, heaven was being pulled down. Just the other night, I had a good friend tell me that as she watched me dance, she could see how my heart danced for the King. She could see the joy all over me and the passion to express my love to Jesus.
I do not write these things to boast about myself and my accomplishments but to express why I dance and have this desire. I boast about His unfailing goodness over me!! I boast about His love and devotion in my life!! Without it, I would be nothing and my dancing would be void and pointless. I do not dance to bring attention to myself (trust me, I HATE being the center of attention....it bothers me a lot actually.....). I dance to bring hearts to Him. I have a tattoo on my foot that has the verse reference from Isaiah 52:7 which says:
"How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who says to Zion,
"Your God reigns!"
My God is the Good News. My God is peace. My God brings good tidings. My God is salvation. My God Reigns!!! That's what I want my dancing to proclaim. Throughout my dancing life, I have fought an uphill battle of being told I'm "not good enough." Not good enough for this part or that part. Not good enough for this level or that level. Not good enough to teach here or there. Not good enough to perform. The list goes on and on. I have learned in the dance world that if you don't "prove" yourself, you will never get anywhere. I refuse to accept this mentality and words of discouragement.
Now, here I stand. Believing in standing beside and supporting my husband. His dream is to be a veterinarian. How in Sam hill can a dancer and vet be together along the same path!?!? I have urged Matt to go for this opportunity of becoming a vet. I have wanted him to reach his goals and dreams. There is nothing more that I would want to see than to see him happy with accomplishing this!!
As the application process has started and the GRE has been scheduled however, my heart has begun to get twisted with panic. I think of living in a totally different country. How are my dreams and passions of dancing suppose to happen there?!?! God, now would be a great time to give me some real clear understanding of what is going on!! Since graduating college, I have floundered looking for where God wants me to be. I was accepted into a professional dance company (which I am reminded is a HUGE accomplishment in general....) but declined the offer for several reasons. I have taught and danced around the Wilmington area since being back here. Staring a move to the Caribbean square in the eyes makes me extremely nervous because I can't see what is on the other side of this. I can research all day long of the island of Grenada but my fear of laying down my dancing forever...................takes my breath away. The thought makes me panic honestly.
Then I am reminded of Jeremiah 1:16.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew (chose) you,
before you were born I set you apart..."
There's no reason why I should be laying down my dancing!!! I can dance anywhere!!! He didn't create me to have a dead life. He created me to have a full life. God knew me and saw me before I was even created. Before my parents even knew I existed, Jesus was there. He breathed life into me and said, "Dance for me Joanna." He wouldn't create something to let it go to waste. The dust in my life is settling and is reminding me more and more to rely on the Lord for every step.
We walk by faith and not by sight.
My faith assures me of my hope in the Lord to keep me dancing and assures me of the future I cannot see. If we go to Grenada, then I will dancing on the beach!! God will never leave me nor forsake me. He created me to dance so dance I shall!!
A hui kaua....
